What Never to Do Before You File for Divorce

Never move, hide, or re-title anything

Not money, not vehicles, not accounts, not messages. Preparing for divorce means preserving and organizing records — the opposite of moving them. Conduct that reads as hiding assets ahead of disclosure poisons the money half of the case and, once papers are filed, can violate automatic restraining orders (California's, Fam. Code §2040, bar transferring or concealing property outside the usual course of business or the necessities of life).

Never announce before you are ready

The thinking-about-it track buys a preparation window: documents pulled, disclosure pre-built, credit reports in hand, a consult done. Announcing early spends that window for nothing and can start clocks you did not choose.

Never put it in writing

Angry texts, threats, admissions, and score-settling emails are exhibits with your name on them. Log events; do not record conversations as a default — recording-consent law varies by state, and the rule in the kit is simple: log it, do not record it.

Never agree to a 'temporary' schedule blind

Overnights are money and custody at once. Count current overnights per year against any proposed schedule, classify your state's timeshare mechanic (Door 4 prints the verified ones), and run Door 1 before you agree — 'temporary' is how permanent arrangements introduce themselves.

Questions

Is preparing the same as hiding?

No — and the line matters. Preparing is pulling statements, listing everything, and keeping records. Hiding is moving, re-titling, or deleting. Only the first is on this site.

Should I tell her I am filing?

Sequencing is strategy: complete the preparation window and a consult first. There is no prize for announcing early.

Can I record our conversations to protect myself?

The default rule is: log it, do not record it. Recording-consent law is state-variable, and unlawful recordings create a second problem instead of solving the first.

Rules checked October 2026. General information, not legal advice.